Blunder

Guess we shouldn't have had Gordon clean that spaghetti sauce pan for us. All good though, thanks to the wonder of 'Dawn'. Cleans oil soaked feathers and Labradoodle's beards. Campsite in St. Augustine is great...KOA would have five units crammed in here.

The Cast for Steve Beeching Scorcese's Movie of our trip

If you have read recent comments you will know how this applies. You will also be aware Sir John as Gordon is glaringly missing.  The pictures are being posted at Mr. Susan-Steve Beeching-Scorcese" request.

Top signs Mark might have had enough camping

1. Calls all kids he sees "dirty".

2. Thinks camp host is "loony"  (might be right)

3.Bathroom beyond 200 paces=new found appreciation of nature.

4. Forced to unearth and assemble long ago purchased "Fold and Go" port a pottie for lovely bride. (See #3.) Complete with the "Double Doodie Bag."

5. Wants to acquire rights to above device and market as follows:       
     "There is No Commode Like the Lock and Load!"

6. Waxing nostalgic for Happy Hour at the Pirate's Cove.
 
7. Baked potatoes in the fire WITHOUT PIERCING!!!

2 KOA pictures: 1 state camp site. you guess which one!

Sugarloaf KOA

Our first and last foray into private camping accommodations---more appropriately titled Bromley-Heath KOA.

Of course we pretty much guaranteed ourselves the absolute WORST of the 327 "campsites"---parking spaces would be more accurate,not that you could park your car AND your camper in the allotted real estate---by showing up with neither full body ink, nor a wardrobe featuring the Harley Davidson collection  exclusively.

Mark didn't help our cause either, by not toting along some motorized toy to spend all day tinkering with, dressed in motorcycle boots and the above mentioned HD shorts. (No shirt required,the better to display ones tats and ample girth. Some of these guys stomachs were bigger than our campsite.)

This place also featured its own on site bar. I slipped in for last call (Mark and Gordon were in the trailer attempting to will themselves elsewhere in their minds) and witnessed a near riot. The patrons released their frustration at this horrific event by hurling themselves fully dressed into the swimming pool, which also closes at 10pm, before trundling off to their cheek by jowl (literally) 5th wheels and calling it a day.

Mark and I figured out that this place is hauling in over thirty thousand dollars a DAY. "Your dog's gonna LOVE it here!" gushed the guy who took our $85 for the night. Um...no, I don't think so.

The Keys,Old Photo Edition

Mark and I had done the Keys before with the kids in 2003. This time I had notions of exploring the byways. Trouble is, there ARE no byways. US 1 is a constant, humming stream, and you really need to maintain the speed limit, no gawking,dillying or dallying allowed. And after about the 3rd time you've decided to take a random left just to see what's down there, only to end up at a "no outlet, no turn around"spot with trailer attached, your spirit of exploration wanes.

The keys works hard at presenting an "island" mentality, and in many ways it does remind me of Venezuela. There,(30 years ago) one would constantly hear the phrase "NO HAY", which literally means "there isn't any", but which actually was a universal rebuff which translated  to "I can't be bothered to help you". We got a lot of NO HAY in the Keys, from the "whaddya gonna do" shrug of the desk clerk about the non-working WIFI in our $200 a night room, to the oft encountered "Your question, although succinct and direct, indicates a northern impatience for which I will punish you by offering a hazy and confusing non-response" attitude. Now that I am writing this, I realize that the keys are passive-aggressive.

That said, I would return, especially early in the winter, only for THE HEAT. Which was mahvelous.

For those not encumbered with a dog and a trailer, nor dealing with the presidents day holiday, we did discover some recommendable places: SHARKEY'S PUB in Key Largo, behind from which all the dive/snorkel boats leave for the reef; HOLIDAY ISLE, a hotel/marina with a couple of Beachcomber type bars and a beach; ANNE'S BEACH in Islamorada, and SOMBRERO BEACH in Marathon,along with a little area called COCO PLUM, also in Marathon.

If you're looking for beaches, (and you will have to look,they are few) the best bet would be to pay the day use fee at either LONG KEY or BAHIA HONDA State Parks. Both were forbidden to us because of Gordon, but are excellent.

Of course there are also the uber pricey places, Checca Lodge in Islamorada for the fishy set, and Hawkes Key ($465/night on hotels.com when we checked). But if they are out of your price range too,you can while away quite a bit of time in the ubiquitous TIKI BARS. Happy hour is alive and well in Florida.

Just don't go to the keys without a reservation, lest you end up in...

To The Keys

     When last we blogged, good buddy 'Detroit' was headed north to---hahaha---DISNEY WORLD to---hahaha---PLAY GOLF, (would have loved to have been a little bird on THAT foursome!) and FISH (oh whoops...)
 
 Never did get to ask him,per my brother Christopher's request, for those tips on Ford stock (buy the preferred,short the common?)

 Accordingly,we headed south. This being our second pass through this area, we skipped a lot, but for those of you wondering "Where should I go in Florida?" let me say this:

Sarasota seems to be THE city in Florida if you desire a modicum of culture (not that I do):a good symphony,resident ballet and opera, a bit of jazz and art scenes. Like most of Florida cities however, the beach areas are separated from the city proper by annoying stretches of mall and causeway laden roads---(Miami /Miami Beach, St. Pete/St. Pete Beach, Fort Meyers,Fort Meyers Beach). As far as beach locales in this neighborhood, I would recommend CASEY KEY (mostly high end private residential,but with the occasional small hotel ) or the lower end of SIESTA KEY.
  
By the way, no matter how ardent a Sox fan you are, I can't recommend Fort Meyers or the even seedier Fort Meyers Beach. Unless Hooters is your thing.

SANIBEL and CAPTIVA are accessed from Fort Meyers, as MARCO ISLAND is from Naples. Didn't care for any of the 3, although Naples itself seemed nice enough, and has a nice beach area just north of it at BONITA BEACH.

This time around we stopped in Collier Seminole St. Park (a big NO for camping) just south of Naples. Then in the morning we made a short side trip to EVERGLADES CITY,the last outpost of civilization before Rt. 41 crosses Florida through EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK.

I'd always thought of the Everglades as a swampy place, and although that is true over on the east side where Florida Bay and Biscayne Bay meet, the west side has a lot of very arid grassland. Anyone camping in the Federal Campgrounds along this stretch is looking for some hard-core solitude. Rt.41 passed eventually through an Indian Reservation (Surprise! Casinos!) and then mile upon mile of nurseries,  (obviously supplying the entire state with landscaping materials) before landing us in Key Largo.

Coming up: The Keys,Old Photo Edition and Our Night in a KOA.