THE BIG NOOGIE, wherein an APB is issued for Mark and Gordon.

     Last year when we embarked on these camping adventures,my brother Bud asked "aren't there a lot of 'drifters' in these campgrounds?" Hardy-har we pooh poohed. Considering that the cost of the average "rig"you see around you is somewhere north of the 100K mark--(we're definitely holding up the very low end of the spectrum here) well,"drifters" not so much. But insane people??? Hoo boy.
     Yesterday afternoon Mark and I loaded up our Backpack/beach chairs with cocktail fixins and headed for the sunnier,windless side of the campground. We hadn't staked out our spot for longer than 30 seconds before this guy, (whom we'll call "Detroit") arrives. Seems that he's going to fish. There. Only there. Not 10 feet away. Just there.
      Ok,we're friendly people, and given the lack of alternative, we spend the next 90 minutes or so chatting with him about,randomly, sports,fishing,dogs,Cape Cod, and of course his marriage into "the Ford Family". And despite a disconcerting lack of teeth, (must have been the dentally challenged side of the Ford Family) "Detroit" was amusing in his own way.
      We watched him struggle into his waders and waddle out into the water. (I made a mental note right then that I was NOT going into the water after him when he toppled sideways and said waders filled with water. NOT.) Then he emerged and proceeded to show us an entire hockey bag full of fishing gear -about a thousand bucks worth-he'd gotten from his brother , before snagging the mesh pocket of his tres expensive Cabella's fishing vest with a treble hooked lure. We watched as he "removed" it by shredding it to ribbons with a 12" fillet knife. Since the cocktails were now gone, and the comedy (good as it was) was wearing thin, (knives of that size in the hands of lunatics can have that dampering effect) the next time he lumbered into the water, we packed up and left.
     Flash forward to this morning. Mark and I had packed up our whole operation to move to a waterfront location that had become available. We had about an hour to kill, so we took Gordon up to the dog park, then came back and were blithely completing the move. Next thing we knew, a sheriff's cruiser ( not a park ranger, a real cop) was pulling up our little drive.
     It seems that someone had pinched "Detroit's" fishing bag while he was out in the water, and according to him, that someone was Mark. Unfortunately for him, despite our lengthy banter, all he could recall about us was "a guy with a beard and a yellow dog wearing a red harness."
     Seems like whilst we were busy beavering with the packing, campers over in the vicinity of the crime were being asked if that description rang any bells. Seems also that while we were at the dog park, one of these busybodies (er, campers) recognized the felonious duo, wrote down our plate #, and called the sheriff.
     Said lawman was just beginning to explain the situation to us when Detroit himself burst upon the scene screaming "I'M FROM DETROIT AND I"M NOT STUPID!!!" O-kaay.
     The sheriff ordered him away, and Mark and I volunteered to submit to a complete search of our truck and camper. "I HATE fishing!" bleated Mark .
     At this point I must interject the following: Dear Daughter-Who-Is-Very-Soon-To Be-A-Lawyer: Yes we know we participated in a trampling of our rights. Utter violation. STIFLE. Love you,Mom and Dad.
      After the search turned up nothing,("You guys have a lot of dog food" said the sheriff) Mark made the sheriff stay till Detroit pulled out--(did I mention he was a somewhat hefty maniac?). Then we gave ourselves a big noogie like you do when things are so mind numbingly nonsensical that you think you need a jump start, locked the trailer, and went to the beach.

Addendum to the tale: When we got back from the beach we got a profuse apology from the Rangers (still trying to figure a parlay) along with the news that Detroit had returned to their office in such an abusive threatening state,(continually reiterating his origins,the significance of which had them as baffled as we) that they had to call out the Sheriff again. Word is, the tazar was drawn before he desisted.
     
     Take care of your teeth kids, they seem integrally connected to the brain. I flossed for at least 10 minutes last night.